choices

so this seems to be coming up a lot for me lately.
the thing is mostly we think about choices as something we have control over. but in truth choice (and the limitation of choice) are both external and internal. granted most often they are internalized from an outside source. i can think of a particular friend (or two [who are friends of each other as well]) who seems to stand firmly on the side of "you always have choices". as though everything you do is up to you. personally, the way i see it is you have *some* choices... but if you do this the government might judge you if you do that you friends/society/your parents will judge you and if you do the other god might judge you. i suppose then in some way your ability to chose is limited to your beliefs...

as i was walking through the singapore subway thing this there was an add for some cartoon with Johnny Depps voice. the tag line was "why blend in when you can stand out?" what a western ideal i thought. then i thought how contrary to being a person... why stand out when you can blend in?? make the right choices and you pass go and collect $200 make the wrong ones and no one listens to you anymore. worse terrible things happen to you.

in cambodia you can do whatever you want. maybe you have to reckon with god... but for most people the government can be bought and the rest will never know. in singapore you impose rules on yourself. and with every choice no matter who is involved there are consequences. so how do we weigh those?

when someone finally does step out of the rules (self imposed or otherwise) we write novels and plays and movies. who wouldve thought breaking rules could be epic?? "they" would like us to believe otherwise. or rather that breaking rules is for heroes, and who are we?

in the end i guess most things are self imposed with some nebulous threat. but its a big threat and it feels real and its enough to make me do what im told ((at least for now)).

but what about the worms!

hello my lovelies (otherwise known as the three people who actually read this).

I have so many wonderful adventures to share! where to begin??...its overwhelming for sure. I am also working on a blog for WTO, kind of an insiders look at moving to a far away land and taking over a project. I actually plan to post most of them here first with some small edits. Of course I wont subject you to the ones which are primarily toilet and or project based (unless i need to say things which the general public need know nothing about). I want to post pictures, but its time to go home and i think they will take forever to upload.

So, as a compromise, i will say this: now that i have real adventures worth writing about (unlike stupid spore) i will keep you posted. and tomorrow i will leave pictures. oh, and explain that bit about the worms...


loves and moonbeams,
tono

moving. and moving. and packing. and gone.

last night in this one horse town. can't seem to get everything done. for instance, adjusting my ticket to allow for my luggage and a later return flight. and i have laundry sitting in the washing machine which might smell funny by now... or be ruined... i kind of just threw everything in together in some kind of drunken haste. at least i have friends who are willing to keep my prized possessions if they dont all fit into my bags. how did i get sooooo much stuff??

also i am going to miss this strange little island. i am sure there are places i havent explored. that i will likely never explore. and there are finally people here that i like. erm that is to say i finally found the people i like. and what will i do without yoga and a place to skate??

the organization is likely to be flipped flopped dropped on its head but that another story.

i hope the fortune teller has good news. ughhhh packing...

camboja

a journey for giants and story for sages
ill draw the pictures you find the words
broken children complete smiles
a long listless list of
not that the other
more than happy or sad or excited or scared
words cannot name the nameless worlds
the creep and steep inside my brains
at least there will be fruit.

tonight is worth blogging about

first i watched tigers fight, peacocks dance, and cobras strike.

then i listened to rock and roll, a band which sold its soul, and danced.

finally the cab driver told me the things you always hear when people fear that which is different.

sometimes development is joke. but it is worth it. and i would rather laugh than work on wall street.

feeling better bout humanity

this week i have continuously stumbled across things that make me feel better about humanity.
it started when i attended a TEDx event on Saturday and heard Professor Soon describe his community of the future. i am looking for clear specks to explain it better than i can, but until then let me say it was self sustaining, and intergraded the best parts of a city with the best part of the country (and they will soon cover Sri Lanka as an example of what to do with IDPs).  On Tuesday i re-visited my favorite TED talk ever about mirror neurons. followed by this gem of a radiolab.  when you put the two together you realize not only are we capable of being better, but we are actually moving in that direction. then, thanks to this film i learned about sustainable roadways on top of about a million other ideas.  while researching toilet technology i stumbled upon Clay House, which is a fantastic example of ecology meets social justice.  so many days, especially in development, i get the blues. HOW WILL THINGS EVER GET BETTER WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG IN THE WORLD?! and then i stumble across a few examples of people becoming aware of the impact (bad and GOOD) they can have.  i saved perhaps the best for last. i remember celebrating the first ever earth hour and thinking vegas will never play along. for once, i am thrilled to have been sorely mistaken.